I finally put in my time off request for the wedding I'm shooting next month on the 14th. I'm actually pretty nervous because I haven't shot a wedding in like 3 years, my last wedding was November 2011 I believe. Truthfully I'm sort of generally kind of rusty from so much of my other work and school that hasn't involved any photography.

I am going to my parents house for an entire week for Spring Break. I leave tomorrow, and will probably come back Saturday, the 15th. My mom has a lot of pampering planned which normally I'd put off or can't afford, but in this case I can afford it and I absolutely need and deserve every bit of it. I do need to get some reading accomplished while I have some time, but I do want to do as little as possible. 

I was planning on getting a new tattoo, #10, but none of my many options really stood out enough for me to commit to getting them. 

I'm currently writing about 4 different blogs. This blog was my first and only, but then this semester for my New Media 2 class I had to create a wix, which became my online portfolio, my professor insisted it have a blog, which I totally disagree with. Then for my Convergence Reporting class we write articles we will end up publishing on a blog my "team" will create, but they're not really the same, they're more rooted in journalism than just a typical blog. And finally I ended up caving into my friends and family's requests to start a personal blog and stop clogging up Facebook. So yep, that's 4. 

Well I just took my Elements of Craft Mid Term and I have work at 3:30, so I'm off, keeping this one short and sweet. 
 
 
I'm like 90% certain that I'm going to cancel my renew for my website host that you're currently viewing my page through this year. See I'm paying over $200 if I remember correctly, and the way I've chosen to build my site can be done through the same company on it's own hosting site for under $100 a year. 

Now I think I bought the URL www.joshlynwallacephotography.com, so I'm hoping since I bought it I can take it with me when I ditch my current host. 

I'm texting my mom at the moment and she says I should keep my current host. I guess the main benefit of keeping my host would be that, okay well let me insert that I bought the Adobe Creative Cloud which came with Adobe Muse which allows me to build websites w/o coding, so I intend to build my own site using Muse, and if I went w/ the alternative host I'd likely have to come back to my current or one like it in order to have the option to upload the one I've built with Muse. 

I don't know it may only be that I'd switch for a year, so perhaps I should just stay. 


I will say for my New Media II class I've been "forced" to create yet another website. This is basically 3 for me to maintain if you count the website I maintain the Humane Society I work for. That's a lot of websites to keep up with. So anyways I created this wix page and we could make it anything we wanted, well I chose to make mine an online portfolio style so that my potential future employers can view my work before possibly inviting me out of town for an interview. Them seeing my work before hand would likely save both of us time and money of bringing me what could be like 5 hours away for an interview and they take one look at my work and hate it. So despite having to create the site, I honestly had been needing to build one in the first place. 

If you have been unable to keep up with where I am in my education due to my complete lack of being able to maintain this blog I'll go ahead and make you all aware that I do in fact graduate this May. 

May 10, 2014

That's the big day. 10 years on and off of somewhat hard work(mainly in the last 3 1/2 years) has finally gotten me to the end of the road. As you may know from previous blogs I am bi polar, so to keep myself maintained and doing well mentally I do regularly go to counseling. I was going every week but honestly I don't need to go that often, and now with my schedule I instead go once a month. This last time, last week, my counselor flat out asked me if I was scared of graduating. My answer: ABSOLUTELY. Literally since I was old enough I've pretty much been in school all these years, I'm 28 now. So approximately 23 years. I'm basically a professional student. I have no idea what life is like w/o some form of school being in the near, looming future. Despite how hard and stressful school can be. I LOVE to learn. I used to act like I hated it, but I'll let me nerd flag fly. I love learning, I love expanding my knowledge. 

I will say I get it honestly from my mom. She's basically a professional student as well. If she hasn't been an enrolled student, she's at least worked for a university. My mom and education have been a firm pillar in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have the utmost respect for the education system, primarily higher education. It's fascinating some of the wide range of things there is to be learned. I just wish I wasn't always graded on some of it. Just because I enjoy learning doesn't make me very good at all of it. You put me in a math or science class and even though I find science fascinating, I'm awful at "getting" it. 

I do want to say I do not know how well I can commit to maintaining this blog, knowing how much I neglect it, but I would suggest if you'd like to follow me you should probably check in over at http://joshlynwallace.wix.com/joshlynportfolio more than checking in on this blog. 

I don't know if I ever got around to mentioning it on here, but I worked for Mazzio's from August 22, 2012 until December 15, 2013, and that was only because it abruptly shut down, I'd still be there if it was open. It took me about 35 days to find a new job. I now work as a Sellebrity at Old Navy in Lufkin. I also have an internship this semester, in which I am like the Social Media guru for the Humane Society of Angelina County in Lufkin as well. Neither job is hard, but they're honestly taking ALL of my time. I am having a really hard time finding time to study. All I do is work, eat, sleep, or in some way prepare myself to go to work again. 

I'm praying that w/ my lack of time for homework I won't end up failing any classes that would keep me from graduating. I'm trying my best, but I won't lie it's TOUGH. I've never been this busy/obligated to things I can't make much change to like ever. I think I honestly had more flexibility in high school even with the swim team than I do now. At times it feels like I'm drowning, I feel like I'm physically going to the places I should be, but engaging and doing the work I need to for those places just isn't getting done. 

Well I have been obsessing over adding to my wix page, my portfolio, I knew I should update this blog, but y'all pray/send positive thoughts for helping me throug
 
 
I’ve had an incredibly long college career. In 2003 I dropped out of high school to go to college a year early because my high school had messed up my credits at no fault of my own. I got an honor academic scholarship to attend Howard Payne University, a small private Baptist college. After two bad semesters I moved back to Waco, back in with my parents to attend McLennan Community College. But after two or three bad semesters I set my sights on Stephen F. Austin State University. That lasted one very short semester at which time, with nowhere else to go, I moved to my parents current home in Stephenville, Texas. In fall 2007 I enrolled at Tarleton State University and joined Phi Mu fraternity (sorority). Shortly after my November initiation, I attempted suicide.

            So now let me go a little more in depth. In the weeks following my attempt, I came to discover I am Bi Polar. Suddenly my entire life’s behaviors and decisions all made sense. I began to realize that emotionally my life was out of control. Especially the last four years. So I immediately began medication treatment, but truthfully I was still struggling severely.

            What suffered the most at that time in my life was my experience with Phi Mu. I was probably one of the worst sisters in the history of all initiated sorority members. I was still suffering immensely from my Bi Polar, so in all honesty, I was pretty hateful to my sisters at any given time.

            I believe it was spring 2008 when I signed away my entire membership for possibly ever. A decision I regret nearly on a daily basis. I’ve done my best to make amends with my sisters from back then, and some have accepted my apology and reconnected with me, but most refuse to acknowledge me.

            So where am I now? Well I am currently a graduating senior at Stephen F. Austin. After four different schools and changing my major seven different times, I will finally graduate in May with my Bachelors with a major in Photojournalism and a minor in Creative Writing. But it did take an in-patient hospitalization back in 2009 to get my medications perfect and my life on the right track, but I am proud daily of the strides I have made in my life to become successful at living life the way most people take for granted.

            My goal after graduation is to get my membership reinstated so that I can once again take part in Phi Mu as an alumni. See when I dropped out I essentially gave up and turned my back on the women who had vowed to be there for me through it all. I understand I burned a lot of bridges, and truthfully I never meant for any of it to happen, but this is not remotely how I would’ve wished my Greek experience would have unfolded.

            At SFA I see such a strong Greek life and Greek presence and I wish so badly to be apart of it, but I can’t. As you just learned I am no longer a Phi Mu sister, but also there is no Phi Mu at SFA. Through telling my story I want to educate those initiated members who are struggling in their personal lives who are considering giving up Greek life to attempt to get the rest of your life back in order, and I want to advise you to not completely give up your membership. Times get tough, but if my story is any example you will survive and you will prosper. Sitting aside your Greek life temporarily is much better than completely leaving your membership behind with no certainty that you can ever get it back. 

 

Swamped

09/24/2013

0 Comments

 
Here I sit, somewhat avoiding all the impending school work and other various work that's swiftly consuming me. And I just feel like writing, but not for school, just putting a little piece of myself out there for my customers and readers to read. What I really want to do is copy and paste some of my previously written poetry for y'all to read. 

Two Lovers Apart

What started as

A teenage romance

so full of lust.

Ten years now,

we can’t part. 



Utter attraction

The heated way

you make me melt. 



Long hard jaw.

Scruff upon your chin.

Dull blue eyes,

from the sadness,

you bury deep. 



Your simple mind,

Scrambled by war.

a dark mystery

surrounds you.

how dark were

your demons?



Four long years

without your touch,

we struggle to reconnect.

Two lovers drifted apart. 



My undivided attention

my undying love

absolutely devoted to you.

Is it enough?



The clothes I wear,

the length of my hair,

my explicit sexuality

all for you.

Is it enough?

I’m the only one

you can talk to

yet you won’t speak.

Please open up

to me. 


This piece was written, in the final revised form on September 28, 2012 for my Introduction to Creative Writing class during our poetry section. It was written about my best friend Tommy who I am desperately in love with and whom I am the closest with aside from my parents. 

Tattoo for Dad

The hum of the small machine;

The whine of the rapid vibration

Its tiny parts

Moving erratically inside



The carefully chosen needle,

Diving swiftly into my skin

To the depth required to imprint

Itself permanently



We’re on a pale blue now

Painting a smooth lake

Next the orange then yellow

Until a calm, gentle

Dusk sky from a spring days past



Below it all, we roll

A simple banner across,

Place dad’s name

Delicately inside,

Below the image he still holds dear. 



Back into the moment

I return.

I rise to admire

And all my love

A canvas forever across my shoulder



27 years of love and patience

Still quietly showing

Your love.

This is my way

To show him mine in return.



This poem was written about my experience and my thought process behind getting the tattoo I have on my left shoulder for my dad. If you haven't ever seen the tattoo, it's of a sunset, a picture I took after he was like "Josh, take a picture of that sunset!" So I did and it came out well, so well that at first I had it printed professionally by a company I outsource through, then I bought a decent frame for it, and gave it to him I believe as a Father's Day gift, then not too long after that it became a tattoo. My first shoulder tattoo was dedicated to my mom (I guess this is where I should point out that both of my parents are alive and well, we're just very close, and I want to keep something permanently on my body to be reminded of our close relationship) which is a nice "blue bird of happiness" (is what my tattoo artist called it)w/ some negative shaded stars around it(I LOVE stars), then about 6 months later I was like "well you know I can't leave my dad out." At first I struggled as to what to put on my left shoulder to be reminded of him, then it became very clear that my dad loves sunrises and sunsets and I'd captured a great picture of one, that even had a little boat going across the lake we were camping at. 

Forever Saved

The snap of the shutter,

the click of the lens,

and the pop of the flash-



A moment captured,

Forever saved. 



The skill of the photographer,

the mastery of the delicate camera,

so much precision

put into every picture.



Those you love:

friends,

family.



You stick them here.

You stick them there.

You shuffle them

into a keepsake box.



The box covered in dust,

later you’ll pull the box

Down and dig through it.

Searching for those forgotten,

now to be preserved.



Saved for years,

shared at weddings.

shared with the children, 



You can’t seem to forget,

those moments that were saved,

with dates scribbled on the back,

stuck where you could

always see it again.



A forever memory,

Captured.


This poem was written on October 14, 2012 about taking a picture and how you share and save it. 

Defeated

I work hard,

with no recognition,

no appreciation.



Frustrated,

to the point of steaming.

Irritability, itching under my skin.

Annoyed,

with absolutely everything.



Fifty cents,

added to each hour.

Fifty cents,

better than a minimum worker.



I can’t even support myself,

can’t even afford food,

without government assistance,

the $500 health insurance looming.

Where is the government here?



At the end of the day, I’m angry,

pissed at everyone,

and I’m too tired to put up a fight.

At the end of the day, I’m defeated.



And then there’s the rest of my life,

racing past me,

at an unrealistic pace.

 
 
I'm starting to feel like I have no idea which is up, what's ahead of me, where I'm going, how soon will I get there?
I have a lot of homework, especially writing to do, but I'm having a case of writer's block with one particular assignment.

Stolen: Patio Set

So I guess it was Tuesday, I left around 3:30 to head up to campus, left, everything was fine and normal. I came back around 7:30 and my beautiful patio set was GONE. I attempted to call the emergency maintenance line and ask if they knew whether or not maybe the maintenance men took it for some reason.

Well I finally got a call back from them and the guy in charge of the emergency maintenance that night(or week or whatever) apparently works at the sister property and had no idea. So I waited until Wednesday morning and called the office to ask. Well the two people I spoke w/ said they had no idea, and didn't believe anyone moved it.

A couple minutes go by and I get a call, and I just knew it was the office even though I didn't recognize the number, sure enough it was another office worker who confirmed that they did move it b/c since it was sitting in front of my neighbor's window(like it always has been- even though they've seen me out there) that when my neighbors moved out they left it. I explained, "no it's always been outside of her window since I never had a place to put it elsewhere, so her and I had agreed I could leave it there." So finally around 4 on Wednesday it was returned, and I was so thankful to have it back.
So I'm finally learning how to take orders at work.
Here's a picture of the $6 dress I bought at Goodwill a couple weeks ago(see last post)
Here's a picture of my dress from www.10dollarmall.com
Between super short dresses being 'in-style" and me being 5'7" this dress is very short, but don't worry, I was wearing some shorts underneath.
Here's the new collage I made from the say I had surgery, until this past Monday.
 
 
So I took myself on a mini shopping spree.
This is my haul from Goodwill.
I got a large glass vase for $1.99
A small serving tray w/ glass lid for $2.99
2 shirts, a dress, and a skirt

Total: $21.03
My Dollar General haul.
Straw Dispenser $2.00
Lint Roller $1.00
Spray Bottles $2.00
Paper Towels $2.00
Candy?

Total $12.45

My Trendyz haul
Sandals $11.99
Skirt $12.99
Pearl Earrings/Necklace set $1.00
Hair Clip 3-pack $0.59
Lip Liner $1.00
Lip Stick $1.00
Hair Bow $1.59
Bra(not pictured) $4.49

Total $34.48
Here's the dress I bought at Target about 2 weeks ago for $27.99
Here's my attempt to make glitter tights, but sadly most of the glitter rubbed off after walking in them.
I went home this week Monday-Wednesday so of course here's two pictures of me and my handsome "son"(my dog)
 
 
So I've finally found a new apartment that seems much nicer, and I'll finally have my own washer and dryer in my apartment so I won't have to share w/ anyone else, or worry about having enough quarters.

Also I will *soon* be replacing my iPhone that I cracked all to hell w/in the first week of having it. But I'm waiting b/c I'm going out of town next weekend for the evening and I might have to dip into that money, but it'll likely get replaced right after.

I got $200 which I'm putting towards a new mattress set. My current set is VERY old and now that a spring is protruding from the mattress, I've just decided it's time to move on up. My parents found a great set at Big Lot's where they live for $279 for a Serta Plush Queen size, so I've told them to go ahead and buy it while it's still on sale and I'll send them the $200 to cover the majority of that.

I really can't wait to move.

I had to call Domino's and ask where my W-2 was and my old boss was like "oh they got sent to the store!" So I politely said "well my address hasn't changed?" So he said he'd put it in the mail, which he did b/c I received it today, but the issue is, by LAW he was required to have mailed that to me on January 31, and I know for a fact that he made no attempt to get me my W-2 until I finally called this past Saturday, so mid-February. Which is quite annoying and quite illegal. Not sure if I should report it or not.

Well I have to go to 
 
 
It's crazy to think that we're less than a month into the semester, and I'm already crazy busy! I was really stressed out about creating a logo for a made up company(okay so secretly I made up a new photography business named Jozie Doodle Memories. hehe) for my Graphic Design for Media class. I was very intimidated by some of the other students logo's but after I went in and took the time to work some more on my design, I felt good about what I ended up submitting. That took some stress off of me. I think I did well on my Photojournalism (2) first assignment. I felt like a lot of people took very similar pictures, and I felt like I thought outside of the box a lot more, so I really hope Mr. Patterson will appreciate that. We were supposed to take 3-5 pictures spotlighting things that we would want to share w/ incoming freshman about what to expect that they may not have learned elsewhere, and I chose to take a picture of textbooks and make a slightly witty caption(the caption was a big part of the assignment as well) about what the difference between high school text books and college text books are. Then I took a picture of laundry, but it didn't post, so I left it out, then I took a picture of the Mazzio's sign and talked about getting a part time job, and then lastly I had a picture of money and a starbucks cup in the background and talked about budgeting. I didn't want to just go around taking pictures of freshman in COMMON places, or really people at all, which I hope doesn't cost me points.

My advertising principles class is going very well actually. I got an 89 on our first test. Well I got an 84 + 5 bonus points, I only missed 8 questions out of 50, and our professor said the class average was a 74, so I made 15 points higher than the class average. I heard a lot of people talking about getting 70's and the girl next to me was proud of her 63 b/c she didn't study at all. I heard another girl say in my Graphic Design class that Dr. Bond is sooooo hard and that she failed every test. I honestly cannot comprehend how these people didn't do better, EVERYTHING came straight out of the BOOK. The girl w/ the 63 said "I know how I'm going to study w/ next time..." and pointed at me, I didn't flat out tell her no, I just told her how I got my grade. Then last class (Friday) we broke up into groups and had to make some different "pitches"(I guess you could call them that) highlighting the 6 different facets of marking communication, and well I basically did all the work, the girl kept shouting out BAD ideas, which I guess made sense since she had no idea why a Yeti cooler was so special, and the guy in our group, he knows about Yeti coolers that they're like the best coolers on the market, but he was at a loss for ideas, so I ended up writing everything out, and so while I was upstairs in the lab after that class working on my logo I typed it all up and printed out 3 copies for my group. I hate group projects, b/c I refuse to get a bad grade, and it usually ends up I do 95% of the work and earn all of us an A. Which sucks on one hand, but on the other, I also got an A, and I can honestly say I worked for it.

I really think I'm just at a very different place in my life than a lot of my fellow students. I'm going at this semester like a runaway train, I plan on destroying anything in my path that tries to throw me off so that I do not get behind. I am doing absolutely everything I can possibly think of to put my all into everything I have going on this semester. I have class everyday except for Thursday, I work 3 days a week, I go to counseling once a week for an hour. I have a lot going on, but I refuse to let this semester take control and defeat me. Failure is no longer a crutch to fall back on anymore. I've come way too far to overcome my life's obstacles to slack off and take the easy way out and fail a class. I've pretty much run out of financial aid and I need to come out of this semester super strong and show them, look, I just need this much aid left and I'll be out of your hair forever. I swear!

My goal is to get a job for the Waco Trib and move back to Waco to be closer to old friends, and closer to my parents, while working in a nice sized town, but I kind of think I might work for The Daily Sentinel for a year or so, THEN try moving away. The Sentinel tends to hire a lot of students from SFA for their first year or two after graduation to give us experience, and then we move on into a steady career.

So I've found a new apartment, I'm just waiting to hear whether or not I'm approved. Yesterday I was sitting at my table doing homework, and I decided to call Chevy Chase apartments to ask about how much rent is and all that sort of stuff and I asked if I could come look at one and so I did, and I loved it, so I went and filled out my application, got my $35 money order for the application fee, they faxed my mom the guarantor form, and now to see if they'll approve me. The apartment is a little smaller than what I have right now, but I also have my own washer and dryer in my own unit, plus a full length mirror in the bathroom so I can finally see exactly what I look like before I leave for school, I even have closet space in my bathroom which I have absolutely none at my current apartment. I have a little bar/window area between my living room and kitchen, and luckily I still haven't managed to get rid of my pub table, so if I move, I'm going to put the two stools from my pub table at that bar, and then send the actual table home w/ my parents for them to put into their storage shed.

Okay, well I need to get
 
 
    I have been so busy, I haven't had hardly any time to just sit back and relax. Lately, Facebooking on my Kindle doesn't even feel like relaxing. I scroll through, read what catches my eye, maybe a comment or like here and there, then I'm back off and back to being productive.

    I know I've been slacking on my blog for a very long time, but I am just hoping that if you're a "fan"(if there is even any) that you'll stay patient w/ me while I bust my behind in school. I have like 3 semesters left, the end is FINALLY in sight after 10 years, and I'm running as fast as I can towards the finish line.

    I am taking 12 hours, I work about 18 hours a week at Mazzio's, once a week I'm in counseling for an hour, once a week I make time to work out(just starting), and then those remaining hours of the week are mainly spent studying, and occasionally spent w/ my boyfriend Chad.
Here's Chad and I at the Bluff Dale Winery in Bluff Dale, Texas w/ my parents, grandma, and one of my great aunts this past weekend.
I found my mom's cap she has to wear when Tarleton does their graduation, and put it on, luckily their colors are purple and white also.
Left to right is my mom, my great aunt Mildred, and my grandma (grandy)
Myself and my mom at the winery.
Just me
Chad and I at my parents house
My Grandy and my Dad!!
My mom bought us each this cute little pony tail holder w/ this pearl bow on it. And then there's my Diabetes awareness bracelet that I wear in honor of my mom.
This was Sadie, my boyfriend's dog at my parents house this weekend Saturday morning, I woke up w/ her on the bed w/ me.
Here's my cute festive door decoration for Valentine's day. Got it at Wal Mart in Nacogdoches for $3.97! And they had several other options, even some for $1.97! And y'all know I'm always on the lookout for a good deal!
Honestly, no! You can NEVER have too many pairs of glasses. I'll go through them from bottom up... The "white" pair is Ivory Tortoiseshell from Coastal Contacts(although I highly doubt they're still available, I bought them like 2-3 years ago). Then there are my two solid black wayfarers. The smaller pair to the left are from www.zennipotical.com and I got them for about $22.85 I believe. The larger pair on the right is from www.glassesshop.com and I got them for just under $13. The brown tortoiseshell pair are also from GlassesShop as well as the black&purple ones on the top left. I got the top two pairs buy one get one free and ended up paying like $45-47 for one pair, the 1-2 additional coatings on the lenses, I opted for the free standard single vision lenses, and then shipping. Now the first time I ordered the solid black wayfarers they took just a couple days of 1 month to get here. What happened was they had sent me an email to confirm my pupil distance, but it went to my spam which I NEVER read, I just delete them all, so I went onto their Facebook page to ask where my glasses were, they looked up my order, told me about the email, I confirmed through Facebook, and then it was about 2-3 weeks to get them after that. But this time I got them in in about 2 weeks exactly pretty much.
A closer look at my two new pairs.
Here's a weight loss check-in for you. I'm down to 188 lbs, I am into a size 13(juniors). I finally decided to start making smarter choices when buying groceries at the store, as well as working out. These are my new K-Swiss Jullian Michaels work out pants. I feel pretty good that I can fit into them so well considering how unforgiving the material is.
My sister mentioned I should be expecting a surprise in the mail, but didn't get me ANY clue as to what it was... and this is what she sent. It's a bottle of OPI nail polish in Anti-Bleak

Well that's sort of my life up to now in pictures. I hope you feel more caught up and such. I really should go get onto some more homework.